This. I’ve actually had a realization lately that my personal style has very little to do with my clothes and more to do with other things - hair, jewelry, fragrance, posture, confidence, the way I prefer to apply makeup (I think I FINALLY figured out the way I like to wear makeup), etc. Now, my “job” with dressing is to wear minimal and well made clothing that won’t detract from these other things that make me feel much more like “me” than clothes can. If that makes sense! Hair for SURE is a huge part of me feeling comfortable and confident throughout the day.
This hits the nail on the head for me, all of it. It’s about so much more than what you wear, all of this is why two people in the same outfit would look completely different.
I wish we all understood this better! You’re going to look different than your best friend and you are DEFINITELY going to look different than the stranger on the internet!
YES to all of this. Chanel + shaved head = subversive and interesting. Chanel on me = lady doing lady things. But ALSO, the good news is it works the other way. I feel a freedom to leave my shirt almost fully unbuttoned and to wear a rhinestone harness, because my age is a style tool that gives these elements friction/unexpectedness. Yay age! Yay you, Kelly! XO
Hell yes, you get it!! Because I have a bob hair cut I have to work hard to stay away from it looking like a “mom do” (no hate, just not what I want) so I tend to go harder to make my outfit just a little edgey. I LOVE your style tool and no one wields it as well as you.
Thanks for this post. I have red hair, and no styling advise I’ve seen addresses hair color or style in their tips & rules. To be silly, if I try sandwich dressing, should my shoes match my hair? Or how do I do 1, ton, none, in Tibi parlance, when my pop of color is on my head? There’s lots of advice out there about being sure to include texture in your outfit, but no mention of the built-in texture of hair. And I’m amused by the current trend of people holding the camera in front of their face — thus blocking their hair color & style and glasses — when taking outfit shots. For me this makes even a good outfit seem rather sterile.
I also have natural red hair and it definitely affects the way I feel in outfits! For example, a blonde person in a black leather jacket vs. a brunette vs. a redhead - three completely different vibes!
This is so true. And the black leather jacket example is a really good one – I’m a natural blonde, with a lot of hair so it’s really a big element of my look, and black leather doesn’t work on me at all, even though black does. It just looks all wrong, like it’s too hard for me? Similarly I would never wear pink because of my hair – instant Barbie vibes.
It's both texture and colour! My hair doesn't have too much texture, but I've also had it in a bob with a fringe which does add a little something. Growing it out now because I'd rather it gave a more chill vibe with my style😅
It’s so true how much difference length and texture makes too. Now that I think about it long, slick, straight blonde hair looks great with black leather. Mine is too big and soft. I cut my hair 18 months ago too after seeing all the amazing bobs people were getting and hated it because the balance was all off, I realised I need the more feminine hair to balance my more masculine style.
Lindsey I face a similar issue that my style can lean masculine (lots of button downs) so I have to keep my hair looking feminine but when I wear I dress I almost always want to pull my hair back because I feel too “done up” otherwise! I love this conversation.
Me too! And me too, to your comment! My everyday uniform is shirts (I think what you call button-downs in the US!) and jeans or in the winter jeans and cashmere round-necks, all jazzed up with my signature accessories and lipstick and so on. And I do exactly the same thing if I ever go more feminine, I immediately want to pare everything else back.
Amy has talked about this a bit in the style classes and she has always said whatever is natural for a person functions as a neutral element. Which some may disagree with but I do appreciate because so often straight/straightened hair is presumed to be a kind of baseline 'norm'.
This is such an interesting perspective especially the way your hair brings color to your outfit! Admittedly I would probably lean toward your hair being your one or ton. Perhaps none is harder because if you did an all black monochromatic outfit your hair would still provide such a fun “accessory.” You are going to have me thinking on this for a while…
I love this and it made me think hard! I would say the stack of 9 bracelets on my right wrist is my constant accessory. I never ever take them off (could you imagine the pain of taking 9 bracelets on and off again every day) and I love the way they make every outfit just that much more me (I am a jewelry nut). 🥜
As someone who just got another tattoo and tends to feel uncomfortable in very feminine summer clothes… I might have just made dressing for this summer a little bit easier!
This is such a great thought experiment and I will have to report back on my favorite accessory. This one caught me by surprise, but I love that it's not something that cannot be bought. I think we often fall into the trap that in order to be a "better" version of ourselves we must have the latest thing.
Gah!! Such a good point about buying stuff. Rather than thinking we need something new maybe we try a new hairstyle or wearing our clothes to accentuate something new?!
Yes, playing with our clothes and things we already have!! Also I didn’t mean for the double negation on my initial comment 😅 I meant to say I love it’s something can’t be bought!
Generally I wear classics so a bit boring except that I'm near 6 feet tall with perfect posture (thanks to Mom drilling in into me in junior high school when I towered over all the other students and teachers and felt awkward), wear outrageous eyewear bought mostly in France and Italy so have not run across duplicates in the States, and sport a bald head. Lots of interesting looks, numerous comments from women on the streets. Have never worn makeup sans lipstick but do keep nails short and manicured, understated color. There's nothing about me that would be considered beautiful, but I am aware that my presence makes a statement and at 65 I've come to enjoy that.
Honestly height on a woman is another accessory! My sister-in-law is also 6’ tall so it’s a presence in every outfit. I’m SO intrigued by news of your sunglasses collection; sounds dreamy!
Prescription progressives. Five pair. Transition lens so sunglasses built in. Expensive, but I must wear glasses all the time, so they need to make a statement.
Love this post and all the comments. I never dress in a feminine way but I have long, blonde hair and wear red lipstick most days, which balances out my look. I never thought to use the world accessory to describe my hair before but that’s exactly what it is.
Lindsey I LOVE that you have your hair/lip color as a great baseline for building outfits!! I actually feel like that helps when getting dressed every morning. AND if you feel like dressing very fem, you can scale back on make up or pull your hair back (assuming you want that tension).
Tension is exactly it. There needs to be that mismatch or a disconnect between elements for me, a juxtaposition, not wearing things the way you are “supposed” to. With my hair and figure (boobs, basically!) I could lean tarty if I went too feminine, so I always do a barefaced look and hair back if I’m wearing a more feminine look to temper it. So inspired by everyone’s comments on this and what we do with our looks and why!
I always love to add an edge of unexpected element to really feminine outfits for this reason- to counteract my curves/very feminine figure! Whether that’s through some black leather, sneakers, edgier jewelry… tension is exactly what it is!
Love this post! I definitely switch up my glasses to impart a different read on my look but this makes me want try a more severe edge to my lob next time.
I love that you have different pairs of glasses. I usually only wear mine when my contacts are bothering me but now I’m thinking I should use them to give weight to an outfit.
Such a great point! I have curly hair, which I often wear up, and it can soften a look, for example, when I’m wearing motorcycle boots and my vegan leather jacket. And a heartfelt head nod to eyeglasses being the ultimate accessory. 🤓
I agree, this. I have long blond hair, glasses, curvy figure and have felt since I was 15 that anything but simple and classic cuts, black,camel and white colors was just simply too much on me. I don’t do prints, colors or frills. People always comment on this, asking if I’m going to a funeral, call me Mortitia Adams. It used to bother me, and I would try to incorporate some color. But would never actually wear anything that fell outside my comfort zone.
I got a nose ring when I was an "alternative" art student and always thought I would grow out of it, but at 43 I still keep in a very subtle gold ring because I think it adds something to my overall style on any given day. I love thinking about this when it comes to personal style. I'm looking to branch out into statement glasses next!
This was awesome. I learned two things... One, Mary Kate and Ashley own The Row... How did I not know this?? LoL And that my bangs are an accessory. I've always thought of my glasses as the only accessory I ever wear, but this is so true. They change up my look depending on whether washed/not washed, brushed/brushed to the side, etc.
I am torn about paywalls and love how you explained it so well here.
Accessory-wise, at 55 and a diehard minimalist, I absolutely feel my hair has always been my thing. I love an uber straight shorn look for a while then grow out my SJP curls to bring out my inner surfer girl. They each have their own style and bring out different vibes to my wardrobe. And over the years my husband has said it's like being married to different women. Which is amusing.
This. I’ve actually had a realization lately that my personal style has very little to do with my clothes and more to do with other things - hair, jewelry, fragrance, posture, confidence, the way I prefer to apply makeup (I think I FINALLY figured out the way I like to wear makeup), etc. Now, my “job” with dressing is to wear minimal and well made clothing that won’t detract from these other things that make me feel much more like “me” than clothes can. If that makes sense! Hair for SURE is a huge part of me feeling comfortable and confident throughout the day.
POSTURE!! You bring up such a good point! Brilliant!
It’s an ongoing struggle after two kids hahah
Solidarity!!
This hits the nail on the head for me, all of it. It’s about so much more than what you wear, all of this is why two people in the same outfit would look completely different.
I wish we all understood this better! You’re going to look different than your best friend and you are DEFINITELY going to look different than the stranger on the internet!
YES to all of this. Chanel + shaved head = subversive and interesting. Chanel on me = lady doing lady things. But ALSO, the good news is it works the other way. I feel a freedom to leave my shirt almost fully unbuttoned and to wear a rhinestone harness, because my age is a style tool that gives these elements friction/unexpectedness. Yay age! Yay you, Kelly! XO
Hell yes, you get it!! Because I have a bob hair cut I have to work hard to stay away from it looking like a “mom do” (no hate, just not what I want) so I tend to go harder to make my outfit just a little edgey. I LOVE your style tool and no one wields it as well as you.
Xoxoxo
Yes!! This is exactly it!
Thanks for this post. I have red hair, and no styling advise I’ve seen addresses hair color or style in their tips & rules. To be silly, if I try sandwich dressing, should my shoes match my hair? Or how do I do 1, ton, none, in Tibi parlance, when my pop of color is on my head? There’s lots of advice out there about being sure to include texture in your outfit, but no mention of the built-in texture of hair. And I’m amused by the current trend of people holding the camera in front of their face — thus blocking their hair color & style and glasses — when taking outfit shots. For me this makes even a good outfit seem rather sterile.
I also have natural red hair and it definitely affects the way I feel in outfits! For example, a blonde person in a black leather jacket vs. a brunette vs. a redhead - three completely different vibes!
This is so true. And the black leather jacket example is a really good one – I’m a natural blonde, with a lot of hair so it’s really a big element of my look, and black leather doesn’t work on me at all, even though black does. It just looks all wrong, like it’s too hard for me? Similarly I would never wear pink because of my hair – instant Barbie vibes.
It's both texture and colour! My hair doesn't have too much texture, but I've also had it in a bob with a fringe which does add a little something. Growing it out now because I'd rather it gave a more chill vibe with my style😅
It’s so true how much difference length and texture makes too. Now that I think about it long, slick, straight blonde hair looks great with black leather. Mine is too big and soft. I cut my hair 18 months ago too after seeing all the amazing bobs people were getting and hated it because the balance was all off, I realised I need the more feminine hair to balance my more masculine style.
Lindsey I face a similar issue that my style can lean masculine (lots of button downs) so I have to keep my hair looking feminine but when I wear I dress I almost always want to pull my hair back because I feel too “done up” otherwise! I love this conversation.
Me too! And me too, to your comment! My everyday uniform is shirts (I think what you call button-downs in the US!) and jeans or in the winter jeans and cashmere round-necks, all jazzed up with my signature accessories and lipstick and so on. And I do exactly the same thing if I ever go more feminine, I immediately want to pare everything else back.
👯👯👯
Amy has talked about this a bit in the style classes and she has always said whatever is natural for a person functions as a neutral element. Which some may disagree with but I do appreciate because so often straight/straightened hair is presumed to be a kind of baseline 'norm'.
This is such an interesting perspective especially the way your hair brings color to your outfit! Admittedly I would probably lean toward your hair being your one or ton. Perhaps none is harder because if you did an all black monochromatic outfit your hair would still provide such a fun “accessory.” You are going to have me thinking on this for a while…
I love this and it made me think hard! I would say the stack of 9 bracelets on my right wrist is my constant accessory. I never ever take them off (could you imagine the pain of taking 9 bracelets on and off again every day) and I love the way they make every outfit just that much more me (I am a jewelry nut). 🥜
Sogole! I have noticed your arm stack in pictures and I adore it. That feels like a signature piece; never change!!
❤️❤️
As someone who just got another tattoo and tends to feel uncomfortable in very feminine summer clothes… I might have just made dressing for this summer a little bit easier!
PS I think your hair is a great accessory!
😊thanks!
Yes!! I am always drawn to a woman showing her tattoos especially if it is near a sheer/lacy/etc. fabric.
This is such a great thought experiment and I will have to report back on my favorite accessory. This one caught me by surprise, but I love that it's not something that cannot be bought. I think we often fall into the trap that in order to be a "better" version of ourselves we must have the latest thing.
Gah!! Such a good point about buying stuff. Rather than thinking we need something new maybe we try a new hairstyle or wearing our clothes to accentuate something new?!
Yes, playing with our clothes and things we already have!! Also I didn’t mean for the double negation on my initial comment 😅 I meant to say I love it’s something can’t be bought!
Generally I wear classics so a bit boring except that I'm near 6 feet tall with perfect posture (thanks to Mom drilling in into me in junior high school when I towered over all the other students and teachers and felt awkward), wear outrageous eyewear bought mostly in France and Italy so have not run across duplicates in the States, and sport a bald head. Lots of interesting looks, numerous comments from women on the streets. Have never worn makeup sans lipstick but do keep nails short and manicured, understated color. There's nothing about me that would be considered beautiful, but I am aware that my presence makes a statement and at 65 I've come to enjoy that.
Honestly height on a woman is another accessory! My sister-in-law is also 6’ tall so it’s a presence in every outfit. I’m SO intrigued by news of your sunglasses collection; sounds dreamy!
Prescription progressives. Five pair. Transition lens so sunglasses built in. Expensive, but I must wear glasses all the time, so they need to make a statement.
Love this post and all the comments. I never dress in a feminine way but I have long, blonde hair and wear red lipstick most days, which balances out my look. I never thought to use the world accessory to describe my hair before but that’s exactly what it is.
Lindsey I LOVE that you have your hair/lip color as a great baseline for building outfits!! I actually feel like that helps when getting dressed every morning. AND if you feel like dressing very fem, you can scale back on make up or pull your hair back (assuming you want that tension).
Tension is exactly it. There needs to be that mismatch or a disconnect between elements for me, a juxtaposition, not wearing things the way you are “supposed” to. With my hair and figure (boobs, basically!) I could lean tarty if I went too feminine, so I always do a barefaced look and hair back if I’m wearing a more feminine look to temper it. So inspired by everyone’s comments on this and what we do with our looks and why!
I always love to add an edge of unexpected element to really feminine outfits for this reason- to counteract my curves/very feminine figure! Whether that’s through some black leather, sneakers, edgier jewelry… tension is exactly what it is!
Love this post! I definitely switch up my glasses to impart a different read on my look but this makes me want try a more severe edge to my lob next time.
I love that you have different pairs of glasses. I usually only wear mine when my contacts are bothering me but now I’m thinking I should use them to give weight to an outfit.
Oh I love this. I’m growing my hair out right now and this gives me motivation lol
Ironically this motivated me to schedule a chop!! Hair truly is the best accessory!
Such a great point! I have curly hair, which I often wear up, and it can soften a look, for example, when I’m wearing motorcycle boots and my vegan leather jacket. And a heartfelt head nod to eyeglasses being the ultimate accessory. 🤓
I am a fully different person on days I wear my glasses!!
I agree, this. I have long blond hair, glasses, curvy figure and have felt since I was 15 that anything but simple and classic cuts, black,camel and white colors was just simply too much on me. I don’t do prints, colors or frills. People always comment on this, asking if I’m going to a funeral, call me Mortitia Adams. It used to bother me, and I would try to incorporate some color. But would never actually wear anything that fell outside my comfort zone.
Tsk tsk about the Mortitia Adams comment! I think the natural accessories you “wear” probably carry an outfit more than people realize!!
This is a great read and very insightful
I’m glad you liked it; it’s something I think about a lot.
I got a nose ring when I was an "alternative" art student and always thought I would grow out of it, but at 43 I still keep in a very subtle gold ring because I think it adds something to my overall style on any given day. I love thinking about this when it comes to personal style. I'm looking to branch out into statement glasses next!
Yes! I adore a nose ring and the vibe shift that it creates! I’ve said I was going to get my nose pierced for years!!!
This was awesome. I learned two things... One, Mary Kate and Ashley own The Row... How did I not know this?? LoL And that my bangs are an accessory. I've always thought of my glasses as the only accessory I ever wear, but this is so true. They change up my look depending on whether washed/not washed, brushed/brushed to the side, etc.
BANGS! Yes!! I had curtain bangs in a past life and miss the versatility of them!!
I am torn about paywalls and love how you explained it so well here.
Accessory-wise, at 55 and a diehard minimalist, I absolutely feel my hair has always been my thing. I love an uber straight shorn look for a while then grow out my SJP curls to bring out my inner surfer girl. They each have their own style and bring out different vibes to my wardrobe. And over the years my husband has said it's like being married to different women. Which is amusing.
I love that your husband says that! I also cut my hair very short then grow it out long and then start it all over.
PS- thanks for your note on paywalls. Honestly I struggle so much to navigate all of this.