I had been thinking about Midimalism for weeks before I hit “publish” on last weeks’ post. The more I thought about it, the more it resonated with me as a description of my style philosophy but also about my approach to shopping (a mix of high and low items) and many other areas of life. I hastily changed the name of my newsletter and I’m not looking back. If you want to support my writing but aren’t ready to commit to a monthly payment (I don’t even offer this! ha!) consider making a one-time donation here.
I remember the first time I saw them. My friend, Nicole1, posted an outfit in the
chat and I couldn’t take my eyes off them.I’m talking about the Citizens of Humanity Marcelle pants.
Now I’m certain that this photo wasn’t the first I had heard of the pants; in fact they were a frequent suggestion in substack chats and oft linked as a recommendation by influencers. BUT seeing them on Nicole was the first time I saw them on someone and I was smitten. The shape of the leg is *chefs kiss* and I loved the army green colorway.
So I added them to my wishlist, but wasn’t all that serious about them because I owned a pair of army green pants from Raey that I had bought final sale on The Real Real. The problem was that pair of pants didn’t make me feel great when I wore them.2
I am RUTHLESS about kicking items out of my closet that don’t serve me so it’s no surprise my green pants found their way to my local consignment store and I was free to justify my need for a pair of army green pants.
And over the course of months, I felt like the Marcelles were following me. How many times would I see these pants before FINALLY caved and purchased.
Of course by the time I was ready to purchase the Marcelles they were sold out nearly everywhere in my size. I set up alerts on consignment sites and bided my time hoping I could purchase second-hand. Thankfully
brought them back to my consciousness a few weeks ago and I pre-ordered a new drop of them off Moda Operandi (still waiting for them to arrive!).And it got me thinking about the way I, personally, need a certain amount of exposure to things before I purchase. Of course, there are other shopping occasions when I viscerally KNOW I love something and can purchase quickly. Part of my hesitation to buy is due to my limited budget to purchase within so, generally, something is on my wish list for a time while I weigh if it’s the right use of my shopping money. But, this exposure therapy, also helps me to judge whether it’s something I genuinely want even weeks after initially liking it. These, to me, are the benefits of exposure therapy.
And then there is the sneaky way exposure therapy breaks down our own gut instinct on things.
wrote about this beautifully in January;Remember when you first started seeing people wearing sneakers with a trench coat years ago and maybe like me you thought that it looked… off? I do. I remember it like it was yesterday. Then I kept seeing it more and more, and before I knew it, I started to think that maybe I should buy myself a couple of pairs of sneakers, even though I am not a person who even likes sneakers. This is the result of the mere-exposure effect. The more we see something, the more likely it is that we begin to like it.
And isn’t it so true? For example; the first time I saw a girl wearing boxer shorts out I thought “what’s going on here?”
And then I find myself staring at a pair on JCrew’s website and clicking “add to cart.” It’s disorienting the way your opinion of a trend can change through mere-exposure.
If it’s not obvious enough already, I live in the grey-area of life where something is neither ALL good or ALL bad. I think mere-exposure can bolster our confidence to try something we initially felt we couldn’t pull off. BUT I also think mere-exposure can break down our well-honed instinct where we are buying things we have no place purchasing.
My friend, Samantha3, sent around an article from GQ called “The Most Sustainable Idea in Fashion is Personal Style” and I almost can’t believe it’s from 2020 because the ideas are as pertinent today as they were 4 years ago.
Rachel Tashjian writes about how developing your personal style is a great way, as consumers, to ground ourselves in shopping sustainably.
Tashjian writes;
But personal style, not fashion, holds the greatest reward: it allows you to invest in yourself, rather than in a bunch of ideas about who you could or should want to be…
…Can you make your style strong enough that it doesn’t matter that one one else is carrying Supreme fanny packs any more?
It’s that last line that gets at mere-exposure in both it’s good and bad qualities. Tashjian postulates that a strong, rooted personal style can overcome mere-exposure both in what we do and do NOT wear.
Can you know your closet and style well-enough (whether through 3-word theory, or outfit tracking, or mood boards, or whatever) that you can better know when something has a place in your closet and when it doesn’t? I get an overwhelming sense on Substack that we all WANT this and, put simply, I think one of the best ways to discover your personal style is to stop worrying too much about anyone else’s. If we stopped turning to social media to tell us what to buy we might save ourselves from buying a trend that we initially turned down.
And if you are like me and you actually need a little help actually pulling the trigger on things; good friends can help with this too (even online ones)4.
The secret power that we all hold that few of us utilize well is to “Know Thy Closet.” Get acquainted with what you own and what you actually wear. By doing so, you can see an item (like the Marcelles) or a trend (like Capris5) and know if that is filling a hole that exists or aligns with your style anyways. Then, as I said before, you can strengthen your resolve against mere-exposure or harness it’s powers to help you build a strong wardrobe.
Who I met via a substack chat and we took our friendship to a text with a few other substack ladies and is now a daily source of inspiration and happiness for me.
I won’t use the word flattering because what the hell does that even mean. I’ve been with my husband for nearly 18 years so when I wear clothes I am evaluating how I feel in them not whether someone else will like the way they look on me.
From the same substack text chat! You can find your people on this app!
Katie, Nicole, Samantha; this is a love letter to you.
How many times must I say this a is a hard no for me?
Yes to everything you said!! I've come to realize that personal style is a muscle that you have to practice in order to get better at. So with everything that gets exposed to me, I've gotten more and more critical at ensuring it's actually for me vs what other people have said is for me. I think this is partly why I love having generic wishlists vs a specific item. It helps discern if it's the item I want or it's the overall look an item could achieve.
Also, not to self promote, but it reminds me of two articles I recently published around why I don't particularly like capsule wardrobes and then go onto to talk about ritual dressing and how it can be your own personal style identifier.
Love that you guys are friends from substack chat!!!!